Last night I went on a hot date with Jesus for Valentines Day. I dropped my son off at a sitter’s for the night and then off we went to the theatre to watch a live production of C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. Jesus started the night off right by immediately singing me a love song on the way to the theatre 😍, the song on the radio was the one that talks about being safe in the arms of Jesus and I love the thought of being held safely in His arms. I cry sometimes wishing I could just feel his physical arms around me. We have had to talk about this because He is amazing to love but He can’t physically touch me, this is a problem and I have let Him know it! He told me that He can touch my heart and my mind and I relent and of course love for Him to do so…even if I can’t feel it, but the lack of physical touch is still an ongoing issue in our relationship. It is true. I think it hurts His heart too that I can’t feel Him physically holding my hand or keeping me safe in his warm embrace. I really want to be in His physical presence. When I get to heaven I told Him I just want some time with Him in His garden just me and Him — no one else allowed — for a very long time. I need some me and Jesus time. I just want some Jesus time all to myself where I can really be in His physical presence. We’ve been so close for so long, for decades! I am tired of not being able to actually be in His real presence, not that I want to go to heaven early – no, but it is just part of the fall that we have to be physically separate from Him…Ever since Adam and Eve were kicked out of the garden we have had this problem as a human collective. I’ve told Him we can climb trees together and walk barefoot together and just play in the garden of His love together when He is finally reunited with His bride, with His people as our Bridegroom. I really love Him so much.
Relationship issues aside…we got to the theatre and for some reason I thought I would just be able to waltz in on Valentines Day night and buy a ticket at the door…the one night men everywhere are taking their significant others out. They were sold out. My heart was so sad. I had planned this evening with Jesus and I thought it might just end up being another evening at home with Him on the piano…which is fine. I love my piano time with Him, but this night was supposed to have been special. The lady told me that the show was sold out but to hang tight because someone might not show up so I sat down and I waited. Lo and behold a single solitary seat was not filled! God saved a seat for me! He knew it was going to sale out but He made a way where there was no way for me to have my date night with Him still. He loves me so much…
After the show we went home and I had prepared the way with beautiful luminarias, pure white, like a bride dressed in white…but I got distracted. I started taking videos and pictures focusing on a project I am working on and that wasn’t cool cause I was using the evening for something other than just spending time with my Savior, it was supposed to have been all about Him and I, He saved me a seat, He sang me a love song! It was supposed to be our night, but the distraction resulted in me not spending really good authentic piano time with Him, and that was not ok. I did spend time with him on the piano still…but it had an alternative motive, to get a good video of the luminarias with piano music versus just losing myself in Him and letting go of all concept of time and life, letting nothing, nothing at all be about that moment but Him and I. That is what I desire, that is the time I long for, pure authentic intimacy with no distraction and that is what He is telling me He longs for too. Ironically the project I am working on is for Him…but it isn’t Him. I get so passionate about Him that I want to work hard for Him and His kingdom…but serving Him and loving on Him intimately are different things and intimacy is so much better, I think we both prefer it so much more. It is so neat to think how God longs for time with me too, just like I long for Him. As the deer panteth after the waters, the Psalmist wrote those words so long ago, but they still ring true today. We were created for Living Water, for a real cistern with real water that never runs dry, a cistern of intimacy that we can drink from every day.
The night before Valentines Day had actually been so much better when it came to achieving intimacy with Jesus. That night I really can’t think of any other way to describe how I was loving on Jesus except to say I was making spiritual love to Him (the lover of our souls) on the piano so much so that I didn’t want to get up to even go to bed or to take care of a single simple task. He reminded me that I needed to take sausage out of the freezer for my son’s Valentines Day breakfast I had planned…but I just wanted to stay on the piano, worshiping Jesus. The thought of taking 15 steps away from the piano for just a moment to take sausage out of the freezer was terrible, it felt wrong, it was the last thing I wanted to do because I seriously with all my heart just wanted to spend all night with Him, in His glorious presence…and I even told Him that. I didn’t want to think about the the sausage or the breakfast or even the necessity of sleep. I just wanted to think about Him and be in His presence all night long on that piano. That was the right heart, that was the right way…not using a date night for something else. I feel so bad. I apologized to Him and told him I want a redo, I can’t dial back time but I can get it right this next time. The next time I go on a date with Jesus it is going to be all about Him and I and it is going to be lavish and it is going to be rich and deep and sweet and beautiful and I am going to give Him all of me, all of my attention, all of my thoughts, all of my heart, all the moments will be his, all his and only his.
The night that I just made sweet, spiritual, beautiful love to Jesus He gave me a gift afterward. He reciprocated the love I gave to Him with something so thoughtful and awesome. I got on my laptop and checked my Facebook and a small group leader from when I was a teenager shared a video of me and other teens in our youth group worshiping Jesus at Fine Arts…that was such a beautiful gift. She even messaged us the song in a couple of file formats! I have been loving on Jesus through worship for a long time, some nights I get it right, other nights I lose focus…but I love Him and I will strive always to be excellent in my worship toward Him.
I learned a valuable lesson over the last two nights, there are two songs, that were “born” from those nights with Jesus….but which evening was the best intimate experience? I want the best intimate experience with the Lord. I want the hallelujah song…and while I feel like I want a redo so I don’t slight my Savior in any way, there is always tonight to get it even better, and tomorrow night and the night after that. Working on an intimate relationship with God takes intentionality and it takes grace, because we won’t always get it right. When we do get in that secret place with Him though, man, isn’t it awesome? To be in the presence of the living God is truly better than a thousand days elsewhere…
We can each do that. We can make intentional, passionate love to Jesus, our Lord and Savior, the lover of our soul. He passionately loves us, let us lose ourselves in simply passionately loving Him back…Let’s just make love to Him. Let’s just make passionate love to Him with all our heart, with our all soul and with our all mind like Jesus tells us to:
Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ Matthew 22:37